Intimacy
Intimacy – now there’s a word that comes with all kinds of trappings. There are men who think “intimacy” wears a skirt and carries a purse. It’s a girly word and has no place in the macho kingdom. There are others who define “intimacy” as sex and not much more. Truth be told, there is depth to the word intimacy and requires more than some are willing give in order to experience it. Dictionary.com defines intimacy as:
Close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationshipwith another person or group.
Close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understandingof a place, subject, etc.
An act or expression serving as a token of familiarity, affection, or thelike:
An amorously familiar act; liberty.
Sexual intercourse.
The quality of being comfortable, warm, or familiar:
My question is this: what does it take to arrive at a level of intimacy that is rewarding and life altering?
I don’t have a quick and easy formula to answer the question, but let me propose some ingredients necessary to find intimacy.
Vulnerability - That’s a scary word. Most, yes I said most, people step back from being vulnerable. We’ve all picked up baggage along the way and carry scars from relationships gone awry. Just about the time we open ourselves to the emotional glue of another, it seems our open hearts become open wounds.
Trust - In order for vulnerability to occur, trust has to either be present and provides a highway whereby we can travel into the state of vulnerability; or we choose to trust in spite of the danger of betrayal that clings so tightly to this characteristic.
Honesty - I read recently where more than 40% of resumes are falsified in some manner. Typical human behavior wanting to appear better than what we believe our reality has to offer. Honesty requires objectivity; a willingness to live in reality and call it for what it is. It also requires some detesting of deceit in order to move away from the temptation to be dishonest.
Intentional Pursuit - Intimacy is not a state into which you stumble. Deliberate, on-purpose steps are taken to arrive at such a place of incredible comfort.
Time – This is one of the most over looked dynamics of intimacy. Because we want everything to happen spontaneously and instantly. Putting forth the time and effort to gain full intimacy becomes too demanding for some and, in their eyes, too risky.
